When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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