you would pick up someone in the library
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
