Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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