Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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