take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
