i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
