I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Hippo gnu deer
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
