I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
