I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
