Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Still dying that you shit outside
pray to the hookup gods
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
