i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
