White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
