OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
