I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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