Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
