he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
