i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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