i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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