So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
