tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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