It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
