He kissed a someone with a penis
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
