So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
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I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
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When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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