he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
