I have demons in me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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