I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
