my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
