You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
