people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
