yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
