I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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