I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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