these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i think i have herpe
just one?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
