**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
