We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
