she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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