There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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