Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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