I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
