dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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