he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
