So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
