forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
