1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
