im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
