please come you make the beer taste better
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
