I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
