It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
