I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
