im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she smelled like a LAN party
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
