The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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