I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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