Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
