Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
