i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
