you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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