I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
