let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
